Settling down
After all the build-up
to the wedding and then the freedom and joy of
your honeymoon, settling down to normal life together
can be a great anti-climax.
Here are some suggestions
for maintaining a happy marriage:
Keep your
expectations of yourself, your partner and married
life realistic
Just because you
are married now, it doesn’t mean you’ve
got to put pressure on yourself to be the perfect
wife/husband. Your partner married you for who
you are, not what you can do. Be kind to yourself
and focus on your positive aspects.
Equally, cut your
partner some slack. It’s not easy adjusting
to married life and you will both make mistakes
sometimes. Explain your own point of view clearly
and look at things from the other person’s
point of view as well.
Married life is,
in the end, still life.
Continue to see your friends and to concentrate
on your work and hobbies, just as you did before.
Just remember to cherish your new spouse as well.
Remember
that a good marriage takes work
Relationships that
are taken for granted fall apart. You need to
go on working at your relationship forever –
although, if you get it right, it’s such
fun that it doesn’t seem like work.
Marriage should
not feel like the end of the journey. It is the
beginning. You can both take responsibility for
keeping the romance alive.
Remember
that you are a couple now
If this is new for
you, you need to adjust your thinking. Your partner
needs to be included in your decision-making process
and consulted about anything that affects him
or her in any way.
Don’t
panic if you argue
Just because you
may have had a fight, it doesn’t mean your
marriage is finished. Talk it all over calmly
and openly, without accusing or being defensive.
Say how you feel and what you want. This type
of problem-solving and communication is the life-blood
of a solid marriage. This is what real intimacy
is. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and never
set out to hurt your partner. The aim is not to
place the blame but to find a solution that suits
you both.
Avoid
arguing about little things
If you find yourselves
arguing about housework, for example, first of
all remember what a petty issue this really is
and then talk it over calmly until you find a
solution that suits you both.
Avoid
arguing about money
Money can cause
no end of conflict in a relationship. Discuss
how you are going to handle your joint money and
keep some money separate that you can each use
as you like. If this means three bank accounts,
it’s worth it.
Don’t
panic if you’re not having sex every night
Once you’re
back into the hurly-burly of your daily lives,
responsibilities begin to weigh again, you get
tired and you are not always in the mood for making
love. Talk to your partner about this and make
sure neither of you is stressed about it.
Take time out occasionally
to create the right mood for sex but remember
that it usually works best when it’s spontaneous.
Go away
together from time to time
The odd weekend
away can do wonders to revive a relationship,
as long as it’s for fun and not “to
sort things out”. The important thing is
to get away from your responsibilities sometimes.
Be patient, focus
equally on getting your own needs met and on fulfilling
the needs expressed by your partner and don’t
worry! It takes time to nurture a happy marriage.
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