How to propose

This page is for men. If you are a woman, please click here.

Now you have decided that this is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, it’s time to propose marriage to her. Well, it may sound easy but popping the question in the right way, at the right time, is something that requires a bit of thought. Here are a few points to consider:

Are you sure?
Where and how
When
The ring
Don’t forget her family
Be careful whom you tell

Are you sure?

If you haven’t known your intended for very long or if things have been difficult recently and you are hoping that proposing to her will make life better, stop and think for a while before you take the momentous step of asking her to marry you. If you haven’t already done so, ask yourself some searching questions about your beloved and your relationship, and make sure you are doing the right thing.

If you are sure, tune in to her and find the way to propose that will best reflect her personality and style. Proposing marriage is not just asking the question, it’s offering her commitment and showing her you understand what she wants and are willing – and keen - to give it to her.

Where and how

The way you ask her to marry you will go down in history. It is an important part of the process and of your life together. There is always a slight risk of her saying no, and fear of rejection deters a lot of men from putting much effort into the proposal. This is understandable but, if you know she loves you and she’s ready to settle down, she is actually much more likely to accept you if your proposal makes her feel special.

Think about what she is like and what she likes. If she’s quiet and unassuming, an intimate proposal in private is probably the thing. If she’s more extrovert, she might appreciate your asking her in public (though of course this is more of a risk).

The most important thing is to be sincere. The second most important thing is to be a bit original in your choice of how to propose. The traditional getting down on one knee is still popular amongst women but you don’t have to do it in the kitchen while she’s washing up (although, for some, this might be ideal). You could kneel on the Ponte Vecchio, at the top of the Eiffel Tower, on the beach in Blackpool – somewhere you can both remember with pleasure.

If you don’t want to kneel, you can put your proposal in writing, you can advertise it on a billboard, you can serenade her and sing your proposal… Just be sure your approach will please her. And remember, as long as you are sincere, it’s practically impossible to be too romantic.

When

With luck, you will just kno w when the time is right to propose. Don’t rush into it too soon, even if you are 100% sure she is the woman for you. But don’t leave it too long or she will begin to doubt your commitment. Every relationship is different but, as the roughest guide, it’s probably best to have known each other at least a year before you get engaged.

Most importantly, don’t ask her until you are confident she will say yes.

The ring

The ring is an integral part of a proposal. More and more couples are deciding to choose the ring together after she has said yes and this can be a joyous second phase of the engagement process. However, you do really need a ring to give her when you pop the question. If you and she are going to buy the diamond together, you could consider getting a cheaper ring to use for the occasion, one that she will enjoy wearing later, perhaps on her right hand. Or you could buy a provisional diamond and tell her she can exchange it when she finds the one she wants.

To make sure you get the right size, borrow one of her rings when she’s not looking and take it to a jeweller to have it measured.

Don’t forget her family

It is traditional for a man to ask his beloved’s father for her hand in marriage, before he asks the woman herself. You may not think this necessary or suitable, but asking for her parents’ (father’s/mother’s) blessing, either before or after you propose to your partner, is almost always a good idea and gets the new family union off to a good start.

Be careful whom you tell

In advance of your proposal, be careful whom you tell of your intentions – simply because it would be such a pity if she found out from somebody else. If you are going to approach her father and/or mother beforehand, then, be sure not to leave it too long until you propose to your girlfriend herself.