Hen party

A few thoughts for the bride-to-be:

What’s it all about?

The hen party is a time for celebration and consolidation with your female friends. These days, marriage no longer has to entail crossing the great divide from single woman with friends and freedom to married woman with husband and responsibilities. Most married women continue to see their friends in very much the same way they did before they were married.

Drifting away from your friends and focusing entirely on your husband can put a strain on your marriage. Your husband will be many things to you but he can’t be everything; you need friends as well – and so does he. Mutual friends you see together are wonderful. But you also need your own friends whom you see separately sometimes.

The hen party is an opportunity for your friends to celebrate you. It is also an opportunity for you to reassure your friends that they will still be important to you after you’re married and to consolidate your friendship.

If your group consists mainly of women with husbands and boyfriends, be sensitive to the feelings of any friend without a man of her own. Your getting married may be highlighting her loneliness and, while this certainly doesn’t need to cast a damper on your excitement, you don’t want to gloat or to hurt her feelings.

Your hen party is an important step along the road to your wedding and the rest of your married life. Do something special, something you will really enjoy, and be sure to take lots of photos for the archives.

What sort of hen party do you want?

The possibilities are almost endless! Here are some questions to ask yourself:

• Do I want a hen night, a hen day or a hen weekend?
• If it’s to be a hen weekend, do I want it in this country or abroad?
• Do I want my hen party to be wild and reckless or luxurious and pampery?

Once you have made these big decisions, you need to think about whom to invite, bearing in mind issues such as whether they can afford to do the type of thing you want to do and how well each individual will fit into the group (eg, if you’re thinking of inviting your fiancé’s sister, does she know your friends well enough to be able to relax?).

When you know the sort of hen event you want to have and who you want to be there, you can delegate the organisation to a trusted friend. It is traditional for the bride-to-be’s friends to arrange the hen party – but it’s probably just as well to explain up front what you have in mind, to make sure it all develops in the right direction.

Start planning early, particularly if your event involves foreign travel. And do remember to allow a good couple of weeks between your hen party and your wedding day!